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"Competent, Caring and Responsive"

7 Interesting Traits Divorced Couples Have in Common

Wedding Ring RemoveWhile every person and marriage is unique, divorced couples tend to have several characteristics in common, including these following seven traits:

 

 

1. Poor Communication

Poor communication is a leading cause of divorce, so many divorced individuals may have a history of unresolved conflict, feelings of invalidation, and not being able to communicate effectively with their former partner. To make the next relationship work, divorced individuals may need to prioritize effective communication with their new partner.

2. Defensiveness

Divorce  does take a toll on a person, and many people who get a divorce do so after a long history of a failing relationship, invalidated feelings, distrust, or disrespect. This may make them a little more defensive. Additionally, they may have felt years of criticism and a lack of appreciation in their former relationship that may transfer to the next one.

3. Separate Finances

Another leading cause of divorce finances. Divorce can wreak havoc on a person’s financial stability by splitting up assets, retirement accounts, and savings. Additionally, many couples may have given one spouse the main power in handling the finances only to see the problems this can create when a divorce arises and they find out they were left in the dark about their mutual finances. This may inspire individuals to keep separate finances and be more private about their finances in the next relationship.

4. Control

Many individuals enter divorce with the feeling that their partner has had too much control over them. They may feel their partner was too critical and may suffer from depression or a low feeling of self-respect. This may inspire newly single people to explore themselves and find that they are truly worthy of love and respect.

5. Willingness to Work on a Relationship

Many divorced individuals accept that any relationship has ups and downs and will require constant work. They may be willing to put this energy into their future relationships once they have a more realistic idea about what it takes to maintain a successful marriage.

6. Hope

The news is not all bad for divorced individuals. Divorce can be a very difficult experience. However, once a person emerges from the situation, they may feel stronger and truly aware of what they are capable of. This allows them to move toward the next chapter of their life with hope.

7. A Renewed Sense of Self

After years of making compromises and capitulations, many divorced individuals do exit a marriage with new energy and a renewed sense of self. Staying in a difficult marriage can be a very disheartening experience, so leaving it can feel like a great relief.

If you would like to learn more about divorce, contact    David Johnson, an Idaho divorce lawyer who is committed to helping you achieve a successful future post-divorce.

5 Signs That It Might Be Time for a Divorce

Couple Having a Misunderstanding
Relationships take work; however, what happens when all attempts at resolving problems are futile? What does one do when nothing has been going right in the relationship for many years? The decision to separate or divorce is never easy; however, understanding the five warning signs that may signify the end of one’s relationship may greatly simplify the process.

· Lack of Communication and Arguing – One of the first warning signs that it may be time to divorce is a lack of communication. A breakdown in communication is often the early indicator at the end of a marriage. Do you find it more difficult than ever to speak to your spouse? Do everyday conversations seen to always turn into arguments? The focus of a relationship should not be on who is right and who is wrong.

· Infidelity – Any form of infidelity, whether physical or emotional, can spell the end of even the most reliable marriage. If your partner has been texting or seeing other people, especially in this age of technology and countless dating apps, it may be time to consider divorce. When trust is broken, it is often quite challenging to get it back.

· Lack of Intimacy – If your marriage’s spark is gone and no attempts to revive the relationship have worked, it may be a sign that it is time to move on. Lack of intimacy includes both physical and emotional connection, as well as sexual intimacy.

· Financial Problems – If your partner’s spending or addictions are getting out of hand and you are worried about your future, it may be a sign to leave the marriage. Financial problems often become worse in the future. Financial issues can lead to the loss of one’s home and lack of savings for a child’s education and retirement, among other topics.

· Lack of Equality – Finally, a lack of equality in the relationship may be a reason for a divorce. Two individuals attempting to live together fulltime can be a struggle for even the best-paired couples; however, for those who are quite different, it can be an impossible situation. Also, power imbalances through finances, as well as physical and emotional abuse, are also grounds for divorce.

The Law Offices of David Johnson P.A offer unique legal and personal support for people throughout East Idaho who are contemplating separation or divorce. Rest assured, David Johnson is professional and experienced, an Active Attorney since 1985, Certified Child Custody Mediator by the Idaho Supreme Court, and a member of the Family Law Section in the Idaho State Bar.

If you have already made a decision and you are ready to choose the Law Offices of David Johnson, P.A, give us a call at (208) 535-1000 or contact us online via our message form.

Overcoming Instinctual Responses to Family Strife

family conflict resolution

Deep down, all human beings are essentially animals.  We’ve been given the gift of sentience and self-awareness, but we’re still ruled, in many ways, by deep primitive instincts – like the Fight or Flight Response.  When faced with any potentially dangerous or difficult situation, every human being chooses either to stand their ground or to run away.  While this is a handy instinct when confronted by, say, a hungry bear in the wilderness, it’s not always the ideal way to handle a personal crisis with your spouse or other family member.  In those situations it’s important to remember that you have more than two choices: You can fight – literally, or through a divorce; you can flee (by ignoring the problems or refusing to deal with them); or, you can mediate.

 

Not Instinctual

Mediation is often a difficult decision to make between people, for the simple reason that mediation isn’t an instinctual response.  We often think in terms of punishing our partners or running away from our problems, but the more complex, more civilized approach of working through the problems with a trained mediation professional and seeking a cooperative solution to your problems requires getting past the instincts and entering a higher plane of thought.  This can be a challenge, because nothing feels more honest and normal than our instinctual reactions to things – but as we don’t live in the wilderness anymore, but rather in civilization, those instincts can often be more destructive than helpful.

 

Leaving Fight or Flight Behind

However, simply agreeing to pursue mediation still isn’t enough.  Often people are still in the throes of their fight or flight response, and try to use mediation as simply a new battleground for the fight.  Mediation is not a place to air grievances and attack each other – it’s a more complex and sophisticated response to problems, and requires that both parties leave their weapons behind and concentrate solely on a cooperative solution.

Sometimes people even turn their fight-or-flight instincts on the mediator, transferring their anger and frustration to them.  This will also doom the process to failure.  Understanding our instincts and how they often control our lives is a key part of a successful mediation.

We often can’t avoid an initial instinctual reaction.  The key isn’t to think that we can alter our subconscious and natural reactions to things, but rather than we learn to let them run their course, take a deep breath, and then pursue a more civilized course of action.

Knowing What To Expect in Mediation for Divorce

divorce and child custody mediationEven when there are only a few issues to discuss in your divorce mediation, the process can be lengthy and complex. Knowing what you can expect and how you should prepare can be helpful in reducing your anxiety about your upcoming family law mediation.

In some states, mediation happens with parties in separate rooms. In Idaho, most divorce and child custody mediation proceedings have both parties in the same room with their attorneys. Before the agreement is submitted to the court, it is typically reviewed by the attorneys. For this reason, retaining legal counsel that you are confident in and comfortable with can go a long way. Mediation is a different atmosphere than litigation, but you may still feel more at ease with an experienced attorney at your side.

 You should be prepared to share information with the other party and his or her attorney. This is so that the mediation can move forward as effectively as possible and so that you can work together towards reaching a settlement. Although mediation is an informal process, you should be prepared with any documentation in advance so that you can make the most of the meetings. Mediation sessions typically allow for your family law issue to be resolved much more quickly than litigation, but since you also play a bigger role in mediation, you need to be prepared to provide documentation and discuss issues each time you enter a session.

 Anything said during the mediation process is confidential unless it leads to a written settlement. This atmosphere tends to make many people feel more comfortable. You should be open and willing to suggesting different ideas or settlement offers without fear of being persecuted for them. Those offers remain confidential with the ultimate goal being a constructive conversation that leads everyone involved to a mutual settlement.

 Compromise is a critical factor in mediation. You and the other party don’t have to be involved in a stalemate to benefit from mediation, but you should be willing to discuss options and make some sacrifices in the name of resolving the issue. If you are unable to reach an agreement, you could end up in litigation anyways, which just takes more time and money from you. Mediation is most appropriate for situations where the parties are willing to talk options over and make compromises to get to a final settlement agreement.

David A. Johnson has been providing quality legal services in East Idaho. As both a private attorney and as a former Bonneville County Prosecuting Attorney, Mr. Johnson has substantial courtroom experience. Mr. Johnson has handled cases all over the State of Idaho. His primary areas of practice are in Bonneville, Bingham, Butte, Jefferson, Madison, Fremont Bannock and Jefferson Counties. In addition, to Idaho Falls, we serve residences in the Blackfoot, Shelley, Firth, Rigby, Rexburg, St. Anthony, Ashton, Ammon, Driggs and Victor, Idaho. [Read more..]